04 Jan “5 STEPS TO CONFRONTING SOMEONE IN A HEALTHY WAY”
Full definition of Confrontation according to Merriam-Webster: the act of confronting : the state of being confronted: as
a : a face-to-face meeting
b : the clashing of forces or ideas : conflict
c : comparison <the flashbacks bring into meaningful confrontation present and past, near and far — R. J. Clements>
Many leaders would rather die than consider the prospect of confronting anything at all. In the corporate world it’s kind of hard to not be confronted, because when you work for a company there is an understanding of your role as a contributing producer to the organizations growth. Nonetheless confrontation tends to be a bit elusive in ministry.
I’ve served in quite a few ministries, and observed many others, and let’s just say confrontation is something I have not seen much of through the years. I have seen leaders cover up and dismiss issues that should be confronted under the guise of phrases like:
“Don’t worry God has a plan”, “Just pray for them, these attacks will not prevail” “Wait on the Lord” or one of my personal favorites is when leaders ignore clear patterns that should be confronted.
I have also seen extreme measures being utilized by leaders to thwart healthy confrontation such as
“God said so and that’s it”, “It may not make much sense at this time but God will make it clear”, “We will not discuss this any longer.”
The implication of these statements can leave a well-meaning individual feeling like they are of little faith or disobedient to God. Confrontation tends to be feared by many because of lingering insecurities and/or well entrenched patterns of manipulation.
Please note that all of the aforementioned sayings are in and of themselves valid. I believe they are all correct… in the right context. When it comes to confronting issues (that are clearly unethical, immoral and of sincere concern) the rule of thumb should always be… Confront.
The solution to a culture that is averse to confrontation, is to create a safe environment that would encourage it consistently. I’m not saying this is easy but it’s worth it.
A good first step to create this environment is through the development of an objective process that would encourage people to bring their concerns to the table. Here’s a small example of what this could look like…
When presenting a concern follow these steps:
Compile all the Information
Assess all Information – Not all data is equal, so proceed to carefully assess all information and determine what should remain if it passes what I call the “Pattern Test.” The Pattern test is what I use to lump all information together to find overall similarities.
Diagnose the Information – All in terms of your findings (after having assessed all patterns).
Share your findings – Preferably with a reputable leader or trustworthy friend (who understands this process) to help you ensure you have considered the right issues.
Confront the Situation – Respectfully, and in good conscience, present the pattern to the party of concern citing your commitment to ensuring that there are no misunderstandings for the sake of the relationship.